It is just one of those days where everything going on in your life hits you over the head like the anvil roadrunner would drop on coyote. I woke up to my mom beckoning me from downstairs. She was yelling, but because I was so tired I just turned over and fell back asleep. She came into my room minutes later and put her hand on my back and said “Ali, I am going to see Aunt Rose today. Would you like to come with me?” Normally, I would think about her question, roll it around in my head and then come up with some excuse as to why I could not go with her. Today, however, was different. I told her I would get up and get ready and be down in a few minutes. On the ride over to Aunt Rose’s my mom asked me why there were already so many miles on the car, I looked at her and looked away, I was not in the mood to fight. I was tired, and I already was trying to brace myself for the time we were about to spend with Aunt Rose. Those minutes always last as if they were hours and no matter how hard I try I still can’t stop myself from tearing up. My mom starts talking about something that happened last night at Aunt Rose’s, but I was honestly not listening. Instead I was singing along to Reba and staring straight ahead.
We arrived at Aunt Rose’s and when I got out of the car this feeling of sadness came over me. We walked up to the door, and the nurse let us in. When we got into the living room, Aunt Rose was sitting in her chair watching TV Land. She was slumped into one side of the chair with her head in her hands. She looked up at us, and attempted a hello but her body would not allow it. My mom went up and kissed her on the cheek, and then I followed and did the same. She held my hand, and in the short moment a smile flashed across my face. I sat down next to her, her hand still in mine. She looked me in the eyes and smiled. A tear ran down my cheek, and she looked at me with concern in her eyes. I smiled and told her I missed her, but she didn’t change the way she was looking at me. My mom came over and sat next to me and started talking to aunt rose. I sit back on the couch and wipe the tears from my eyes and look at the TV. The Andy Griffith show is on, so I decide to just allow myself to get lost in the show. I find myself laughing at the jokes and before I know it the show is over; so much for a distraction.
I look back at Aunt Rose, her body is there but her mind seemed lost. We left Aunt Rose’s soon after. My mom said goodbye to her but she refused to look at my mom because she was mad at her for not visiting more often. I walked over and bent over to kiss her forehead when looked at me as if she could see past to large smile I had plastered on my face. She could see something was not right inside me even though I wasn’t sure what it was. My eyes welled up so I kissed her forehead, said goodbye and left the room. I went straight to my car, turned it on, and sat with tears running down my face. I wiped them away by the time my mom opened the door and got in. She started saying something about the events of the previous night but once again I blocked her out. She touched my arm and asked if I was listening. I told her no and she began again. I guess 2 girls from the Bronx came to beat up the nurse that was taking care of Aunt Rose over some guy. The police had to be called because they had broken into the house and had thrown the girl down the stairs. I was in shock, why had I not paid attention sooner. How does something like that happen, what if Aunt Rose was hurt because of these girls? Thank God she just slept through it all, who knows how though.
Things happen so quickly in life. There is no slowing life down, and there is no going back. Seeing Aunt Rose today just made me take a long look at my life. What is happening? Where am I going? Am I truly living life to its fullest? Is this the life I saw myself living? I am heading back to school soon for the last time in my college career, and maybe that anxiety that Aunt Rose saw in my eyes today. It is going to be one hell of a semester, but it is what is coming after that is making me so anxious. School is coming to an end, friendships will be put to the test, and life as I had known it will change for good. It is a big change, but it took a look from my Aunt Rose to make me really step back and look at everything. She still has my back, forces me to really look at my life with just one look and I love her for that.
But life's not the breath you take
The breathing in and out
That gets you through the day
Ain't what it's all about
You just might miss the point
If you don't slow down the pace
Life's not the breaths you take
But the moments that take your breath away.
-George Straight
